The Peoples Republic of Boulder
The People's Republic of Boulder is an enclave run by mad Communo-fascists. Their agenda is: * make it impossible to shop anywhere in Boulder by driving stores away, such as Walmart, that might sell reasonably priced stuff and enrich themselves * make it impossible to work in Boulder by driving away companies that might provide jobs and so enrich themselves * make it impossible for people to build bigger houses than the rulers would like * make it impossible for people to get around in cars * Boulder is the worst city in Colorado. (The best city is Aspen, because Aspen is awesome) History of The People's Republic of Boulder TPRB was founded earlier on by a bunch of cowboys. Before the cowboys it was totally natural, native Americans would not reside there. The local natives warned the cowboys not to settle and told of a curse on the area. The first settlement was mostly destroyed by a massive flood event either caused by the natives curse or rain. The cursed rain happens about every 40 years or so. Around the sixties, a bunch of hippies came and took over the city. Yuppee hordes from the East invaded the Republic in the eighties and burned it to the ground. The Republic also has the known resident Mork, who has a strange look like Robin Williams. The People's Republic of Boulder Today Currently, Boulder is still under control of Stoners and Hippies. Pearl Street is the National Mall of Boulder, except for suit wearing politicians, it's high hippies with off tune guitars. 25.4 square miles completely surrounded by reality. State Feuds After several failed battles using the football technique Fort Collins finally won a battle fought in PR of Boulder (before these battles were fought in Denver). Unfortunately this battles outcome did not phase PR of Boulder as Fort Collins had hoped. On October 15, 2009 Fort Collins Patriot Richard Heene planed to send the youngest of his three sons Falcon Heene in a top secrete "Jiffy Pop" balloon. Unfortunately incompetence lead to a botched execution and subsequent embarrassment for Colorado, Fort Collins, and America. Crazy Laws * No open alcohol containers (again, no one cares. Just go to Pearl Street) * No buildings over 35 feet tall, or over 2 stories high. The four story Marriot is having a lot of fun because of the exception made by the city. Quote: "Now, we can proudly say : Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah" * Banned even recreational gold panning in the entire county, believing they are exempt from the Public Trust Doctrine Section 5 of Article XVI of the constitution of the state of Colorado which clearly states otherwise. Notable Landmarks in The People's Republic of Boulder The Flatirons are a major rock formation in Boulder. However, If you actually see them, you are high on pot fumes, because they are obscured by all those tall buildings. Also, there is Pearl "stoner lane" Street, which is usually populated by drunk and high hobos wailing on guitars. The mountains to the West are inhabited by dangerous rugged mountain bandits who walk around in chain armor and always carry sword and mace. See the cities of Ward and Nederland. If the bandits will not get you on the way to skiing to Eldora, the speed traps in Nederland will. Minority Neighborhoods in The People's Republic of Boulder North-East Boulder is a "ghetto" style place. Only across the street from the high class shopping areas, this brings a lot of controversy. One of Boulders few legal liquor stores is located (a great photo-op for the family), and so is the only sex shop in The Republic of Boulder (not so good for the family). A Typical Day in The People's Republic of Boulder You wake up either freezing cold or sweating like hell. Then you put on some clothes, and drive somewhere, only to be screamed by hippies on the streets. When you park, PETA will assault you. Then, once you run away you are offered some "recreational blow blow". Famous People From The People's Republic of Boulder Robert Redford Glenn Miller External Tubes *The Peoples Republic of Boulder to start their Nazi-beer-fest